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Posted in Nicaragua
by Melanie Barber
on 8/20/2008
I serve a good God!
I just wanted to tell you that!
This month at Cicrin Orphanage, nothing has been what I expected. I expected to have children hanging all over me and to spend the month loving them with all that is in me.
But, as always happens with me, I was wrong. I was wrong. (I'm practicing saying this because I have found that it is rather freeing!) I was wrong AGAIN!
This month has been about the transformation of my mind, learning to serve in every moment, and loving my God with all that is in me. And in doing so, seeing the Lord in all the places and people that I encounter.
So, in a nutshell, these are the things the Lord has been talking with me about this month:
 1. I am absolutely beautiful! I just wanted to tell you again in case you haven't already read the other four blogs the Lord had me write about beauty. About five days ago, I realized that I still didn't believe myself to be beautiful when the Lord began asking me to embrace the gift of beauty that He had given me. We began our weekly team "church" and it just came spilling out that the Lord was asking me to receive the gift of beauty. And what was even more beautiful was that I had four of the most beautiful and delightful ladies surrounding me as I poured out my heart and received His gift.
2. I thought I knew so much, but I don't. We have been asking ourselves, as a group and individually, some difficult to swallow questions this month, such as:
What more will He require of me?
Do I trust Him enough to say "yes" to whatever He would require of me, even if it meant to leave behind everything and take nothing? Luke 9:1-6
Do I really trust in His goodness?
As we have been wrestling through some of these questions, I keep coming back to the fact that my God is good! And I love Him with all that is in me. As Seth Barnes, Jr. put it at our debrief in Antigua, I have chosen to have a "YES in my spirit!"
The Lord's random sense of humor has been keeping me awake multiple nights this month, chatting with me in the middle of the night. It has been rather humorous until I actually have to get up in the morning and be sociable (which is usually difficult for me anyway before 10AM!!) Besides all that, one night as I am sitting in our 15 X 25 room, on my bed, with my headlamp shining at its lowest setting so as not to disturb my girls, I realized that He was asking me to give Him all of my thoughts, fantasy thinking, and dreams about being married. I hadn't realized how much time I spend thinking about what married life will be like (and to be quite honest, I spend MUCH less time thinking about it now because I am kinda occupied this next year) yet it keeps me from Him because it takes my gaze off Him and on him.
3. And along with all this, I kept asking myself "Will I let Him be enough for me?"
The question is not whether He is enough for me! That has already been determined. He is enough for me, but I haven't allowed Him to fulfill me, to satisfy me because I wanted "more." And the crazy thing is that He is ALL that I have ever wanted. Wild, isn't it!?
Anyway, that same night that I spoke of earlier, I was pondering "What if I died tomorrow?" Would I be content with all that I have? Would I be content without ever being married? And the list goes on... And as I began to answer all of these questions, I kept coming back with a resounding "YES!" He is enough for me, and I want Him to be enough for me. I don't want to put that pressure on a man who would never be able to fulfill it anyway.
4. Lastly, I have to tell you about my most amazing day yesterday. It was probably one of the best days of my life, and I am not exaggerating by any means. And all I did all day was wash dishes, cut vegetables, picked the bugs and other debris out of the beans for our dinner, helped serve breakfast, lunch and dinner, organized the back kitchen with mi amigo, Elario, gave Delila a back massage, and enjoyed my time with Heidi, who is the cook on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday for Cicrin. I felt like I was with Jesus all day because He dwells in them.
 Heidi - she is the one on the left here, who chopped up two heads of cabbage to my completing 1/4 of this "pear-like" vegetable that took me forever to chop (but she just smiled when I said that I was not "rapido" like her!). I spent thirteen hours with her yesterday, and I was blessed for it. Even through my broken Spanish, I conversed with her and found out about her family and learned more about who she is. It was a beautiful day because she is a beautiful woman who has a heart to love and serve those around her. I want to be more like Heidi because she is Jesus to those around her. At the end of the day, she asked me when I was coming back to help her. And if it means that I have to sweat some more and wash a hundred more plates for thirteen hours a day, then it would be worth it if her workload was lessened if just for one day.
 Delila - I am unsure how many days she works in a week, but her job is to wash clothes. And this is what washing clothes is like at Cicrin. No washing machine, just concrete cement washboards, soap, Lake Nicaragua water that is pumped into the center basin, and a whole lot of arm muscle!! And sometimes you may find her in the afternoon sorting through the beans, cleaning them for dinner. Again, another picture of Jesus that I want to be more like. And maybe her sore muscles did not hurt as much last night after the Lord used me to bless her with a massage.
These ladies are my heroes for the month, as well as all the other men and women who day in and day out at Cicrin who care more for the children than they do about themselves.
The Lord is transforming my mind to think about less of me and more about His Kingdom agenda. It can't get much better than this!!
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Posted in Nicaragua
by Melanie Barber
on 8/16/2008
There are no traffic laws, or at least none that anyone abides by
Fifteen minutes really means an hour
Being "late" means you are on time
Some "roads" are less traveled by cars and buses and more by cattle, swine, and horses (at least on the Isle de Ometepe!)
Breakfast, lunch and dinner consists of beans and rice, beans and rice, and more beans and rice
Waving and beeping your car horn are ways of communicating things such as: "hello," "do you want a ride?" "I'm going to pass you so get out of the way!" "are you sure you don't you want a ride?"
Time is only of the essence outside of a vehicle....they are never in a hurry until they begin to drive!!
They don't fill in the potholes until they can fit an entire Volkswagon Beetle down into it.
Chicken is the universal meat
The bugs only like the "gringos." The locals never seem to get bitten!
Oh, and they don't seem to sweat as much as us either!!
 Guatamalan buses are fantabulously fun!! - Just ask Stephanie Fisk and I! We were only on like 7 of them on our journey from Mexico to Antigua Guatamala!!
There is ALWAYS room for one or ten more on a bus, even when there are already three and four to a seat!! And these are OLD Blue Birds that were discarded long ago from schools in Ohio - I'm convinced of it! Except the ones that say Canadian Blue Birds! - don't remember those ever being in Ohio
Transportation is either walking or taking the public transportation bus.
The locals can carry more on top of their heads than I can carry in my backpack!
Fields of corn have been replaced with mountainsides of corn!
You always need to look down when you are walking because you will most likely walk into some kind of dung if you do not watch where you are walking!!
They think I am crazy because I like to sit out in the sun! Why would anyone want to sit in the HOT sun!? - My thought is that if I am going to be sweating buckets, I might as well be getting a good tan out of it!!
They don't readily tell you that they can understand English until you catch them laughing at something you've said.
 Pigs look more like dogs.
There is always a mountain, a volcano, or a tarantula in your sights.
The word road is relative - dirt, mud, potholes the size of Carrollton, craters, and other such things are called roads - especially through the mountains of Guatamala on a "party" bus when you are not sure they are taking you to where you need to be - again, ask Stephanie and I! We would love to tell you ALL about it!
You have not experienced a pothole until your butt has left your seat for at least 4 seconds, so that when you drop back down, you are sitting on the other three people sitting in the 2-person seat with you!
"Going to town" either means that you will be walking or you will be taking the bus once a week.
These people are the most gracious and giving people I have ever met, and most have little to nothing. But they will give you the shirt on their back if you say that you like it.
I really like rice and beans. But I miss my beef!!
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Posted in Discomfort
by Melanie Barber
on 8/9/2008
In
response to my first blog about being a fish out of water, a pastor at my
church sent the following in an email to me:
"learning a new way to
breathe sounds fine until the old way is gone and you are gasping..."
 When
I wrote the first blog, I did not have any idea that the water was going to
completely disappear... In Mexico, it just felt like I had been
"beached" but that I would soon return to the water that was so much
like home and included all the comforts that "home" affords.
The
Lord has not only given me a new way to breathe, but He has breathed His vision
into me as well. Add all this to the heart that He created in me, mix it
with a whole lot of love and compassion, and dump it into some of the most
impoverished areas in the world...do you see a picture forming yet or hear the
weeping of my soul?
It
began during our two day "layover" in Granada, Nicaragua before we
came to Ometepe Island. As we were walking through the markets, I saw
this man in tattered clothing begging alongside the street. Not an
uncommon occurrence, but my eyes were drawn back to him again when I realized
that he was missing his left eye. He was sitting there with his hand out
hoping that maybe someone would be gracious enough to give him some money.
And his face still haunts my mind...
I
had finally agreed to see through my Father´s eyes...and I experienced pain
like I have never known before.
And
then I arrived at Cicrin, the orphanage where we are ministering this month on
Ometepe Island... and I see fatherless and motherless children.
 Why
haven´t I had to beg for food?
Why
haven´t I had to rely on "tias" (aunt in Spanish) to take care of me?
Why
did I have the privilege of not worrying about where I would sleep each night?
Why
do I have a loving father and mother that continue to care for me?
Why
did these children have to grow up in an orphanage?
Why
not me, Lord? Why not me??
What
I fear the most is "Will this pain ever go away and/or will I feel this
way throughout the next year?" Am I going to continue to feel the
pain of the Father´s heart for those I encounter? And then I wonder if it
will ever go away because the Father is always hurting for His lost
children.
"For you have given not only the
privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for
him." Philippians 1:29
I
am ashamed to admit that there are moments when I would like to go back in
time....to go back to when I didn´t see through the Father´s eyes, didn´t feel
the brokenness of people´s lives, and didn´t care so much. But it is not
what my Father would want for me.
I
can´t go back,... yet I am gasping in the present, trying to learn how to
breathe love into His children while feeling the weight of their
brokenness.
"I said, 'Plant the good seeds of
righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard
ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come
and shower righteousness upon you."
Hosea 10:12
 As
I have watched the children at Cicrin over the last week and a half, I hear
more joy and laughter from them than I do myself. While the Lord is
breaking my heart for His children, He is ministering to me through His
precious orphans. It is just like Him to send us on a missions trip when
it feels as if He is ministering more through them than us.....but it seems
that this is how He works in His up-side-down Kingdom!!
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Posted in 5 ALIVE
by Melanie Barber
on 7/27/2008
LOCATION UPDATE:
Greetings from Antigua, Guatemala!! It is a beautiful city with lots of beautiful cobblestone streets.
 We have been here since Tuesday for debrief with our coaches, Seth and Karen Barnes.
Three of our teams, including mine, will be heading out at 2:30 AM tonight/early morning and will end in Granada, Nicaragua, where we may be staying for a few nights before we head to Ometepe, Nicaragua. My team will be working with an orphanage for the next 4 to 5 weeks in Ometepe, which apparently is a beautiful island!!
FINANCIAL UPDATE:
Praise the Lord for His provision! Thank you to all my supporters and prayer warriors!! With the actual cash in my account and the pledges, I have met my goal of $13,800!!!! God has been so faithful in providing me the opportunity to take this journey of a lifetime! And I am so blessed by all that have been supporting me both financially and in prayer!
If I raise another $800, I will be able to be reimbursed for things such as airfare to Launch, immunizations, and my health insurance.
I also want to give you an update about my financial obligations at home. I currently have enough money in my account at home to cover the expenses through October. So, please continue praying for the Lord's provision to cover another seven months!! He is faithful to provide all that I need as He has shown me over the last four months!!
RANDOMNESS UPDATE:
I often find myself wandering around feeling the need to pinch myself to wake up from this dream that I am living! I am living with some of the most amazing women that I have ever encountered and am blessed to be so much more of God's creation! Who knew that there was so much outside of Ohio!?
The delightful part of this journey is that the Lord is molding me into His image with each breath that I take.
"The Lord gave another message to Jeremiah. He said, 'Go down to the potter's shop, and I will spek to you there.' So I did as he told me and found the potter working at his wheel. But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so he crushed it into a lump of clay again and started over." Jeremiah 18:1-4
More on this later, but this is the process that the Lord is doing in me. He is molding me into an image that is far more beautiful than what I used to be.
THANK you to all my supporters, family and friends!! I could not do this without you!
This is my beautiful family!! Aren't we adorable!??
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Posted in Guatamala
by Melanie Barber
on 7/25/2008
Antigua, Guatamala – God's beauty abounds here.
 We were asked last night to seek the Lord about what He might be wanting to "shake" in us, as we are in a city known for its earthquakes.
"Your view of yourself," was His reply. He led me to Song of Solomon 4, to which I disregarded. As I read things like "you are beautiful beyond words" and "you have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride," my response was basically "yeah whatever...blah, blah, blah!"
This morning as I began seeking the Lord as to what I needed to lose in order to gain more of Him, He once again mentioned how I see myself.
But He was not talking about the overall picture. He was asking me to look in the mirror and begin to see beauty rather than ugliness.
As the tears began to fall and the snot began to run, I realized He was asking for something that I wasn't sure I was ready to give up yet.
Over the last several years, the Lord has talked with me often about my beauty, both inner and outer. Yet I understood this morning that I had never given Him the ugliness that I see in the mirror. There are times when I have felt physically beautiful, and I could probably recount all of them for you. But they were fleeting moments that I could never seem to recreate in my daily life.
"He has made everything beautiful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:11 I remember reading this as a child and hoping one day that this would be true for me. That one day I would be beautiful.
 As I began to process this with my wonderful friend, Maithili, I just kept saying that I did not understand what it meant to be beautiful. In my mind, I feared believing something that may not be true. And I reasoned that I would just rather not believe it if there was any chance that I really am not beautiful.
At AIM, they often talk about us "being the church," and this is what Maithili was for me today. She combated every lie that came out of my mouth with truth. One of her questions to me was "If you believe that God does not speak anything but Truth, how can you believe that you are ugly when He clearly says that you are beautiful?" Another one was "Do you spend more time pondering what others think about you than how God sees you?" She refused to let me continue believing the lies that I am ugly. That people see me and think of me as a "chubby girl." That my weight disqualifies me from beauty.
Maithili was persistent and refused to let me leave our conversation without speaking the Truth. I just wanted to go do something and not deal with it at the moment, but she endured my resistance and pressed me unto I chose into the Truth.
 Over dinner tonight as I was sharing this with my 5 Alive girls, I remembered that the Lord had told me last night to ask all of them to write down how they see me. I did not want to ask them because I allowed my fear to take over. But, I told them about it, and immediately they all began to tell me that beauty is just a part of who I am and what they see in me. They, as well as lots of other people in my life, often tell me how beautiful I am. But they have just been words that bounced off the ugliness that I saw in my mirror.
Thankfully, the Lord has given me a new mirror that has the word "BEAUTY" written all over it.
As I press into my Abba's heart, I am becoming more and more like Him, even through the pain of this broken life. But it is all that I have to offer Him.
"You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." 1 Peter 3:4
The following was from my journaling this morning:
"Lord, You have worked so much on my inner beauty that I now see how You are taking ALL my ugliness away and replacing it with Your beauty. I am falling, Lord. I am falling into Your arms. I am falling into who You want me to be. I am falling into the identity that fits me perfectly, into the beautiful woman that You created me to be."
Thanks for letting me share my brokenness with you. This was a difficult blog for me to write, but the Lord continues to remind me that He uses my brokenness for His glory. So if it is brokenness that will bring others into His heart, then my life is an open book. May I never refrain from sharing all that He has taught me, even if it makes me uncomfortable in the sharing.
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Posted in Mexico
by Melanie Barber
on 7/19/2008
During a team meeting on Thursday morning, I found myself volunteering to "preach" at the church service that evening. I prefer to call it a "speaking engagement," but nevertheless, I had agreed to speak in front of people, which I do NOT like to do.
As usual, I approached the Lord with a plan in mind, but as usual, He had His own plan.... It always seems to work that way! One of these days, I will realize that I just need to let Him tell me what to do rather than waste time trying to plan it myself!
During the afternoon and as I walked into town, I found myself multiple times asking "What the heck was I thinking!? I can´t do this!!" Yet, I trudged on into town and to Iglesia Salim where I was the first to arrive.
As my fellow squad members arrived and began asking how I was doing, I mentioned that I was rather terrified at the prospect of speaking in front of people. One girl immediately stated, ¨You just dive right into everything feet first! First the World Race when you have never been international before and now you just jump right into something else that you fear." I found myself responding by saying, "I recognize that I am going to just have to get past myself and realize that I have to do this, so I might as well get the ´first time´ over with!"
It was in that moment that I realized how much the Lord has been changing me. Where there used to be fear and trepidation that kept me in the background, I find myself propelling through the fears that have kept me bound and am experiencing more and more freedom.
After the service, several people came up to me and mentioned that it was "beautiful" and "from the heart." Amy, a fellow 5 Aliver, mentioned that I seemed so "natural" up there!! It was weird for me to hear these comments because in my mind, I am not a natural speaker and don´t like to be in front of people. What I am realizing is that I have believed too many lies about who I am and how people perceive me that I had myself convinced that people wouldn´t want to hear my story nor want to listen to me. 
As I was processing this with the Lord later that night, I realized the enormity of the situation. I had actually laughed in the face of my giants by willingly offering to stand before people AND to "preach." Praise the Lord, for He is so good to me!! He is teaching me to humble myself before Him, press through the fear and experience the blessings and joy of being out of my comfort zone.
In my mind, all that I did was stand before them, share portions of my story, and incorporate scripture into it. That was it. There was nothing spectacular about it. Yet, God used my story to touch people and to teach me about His love. What a beautiful God we serve!!
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Posted in 5 ALIVE
by Melanie Barber
on 7/16/2008
Hearts Observed
This is a blog my teammate Sara just posted that is just wonderful and describes us so well!!!
Posted in Mexico by Sara Ellis on 7/16/2008
"Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to Him,
for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8
Her heart aches for places she has never seen. She risks it all as she steps out in the faith that He will catch her.
Her heart breaks for a boy she just met. Her brokenness for his heart is visible on her face. Her tears are as real as his pain.
Her heart shutters as she follows a calling she does not understand, as she steps into darkness trusting His light will come.
Her heart bleeds for a team she is still meeting. Their pain is real to her as she listens to their stories, as she longs to be known.
These are the four women I will spend the year with. The four women who have aready taught me more about loving God than I can put into words. The four women whose hearts break for a world that needs hope, for people that need love. Four women who are seeking and finding, growing and changing, breaking and healing before my very eyes.
5-Alive minus Nat, our perpetual photographer.
They are my friends, my sisters, my family.
God calls us to a reality beyond ourselves. A reality that exists in community, in relationship both with Him and with other people. This community is not always easy, but to know that anothers heart breaks or sings or laughs in the same way as the heart that beats in your own chest, lets you know that we are not that different after all. In fact we are all more the same than anything else. Our tears are the same, our grins are the same, God loves us the same and He seeks each of our hearts.
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Posted in Mexico
by Melanie Barber
on 7/16/2008
We met Mario last Monday when we doing street evangelism with our Iglesia Salim friends.
When we first walked up to the group of young guys, I wondered about their stories. They were laughing and talking outside what looked like an abandoned house. We invited them to come to church, and Mario came last week.
This is his story.
Mario is twenty years old. When he came to Iglesia Salim the first night, he was drunk and possibly high on drugs. He is highly addicted to drugs and alcohol and is a member of a gang. The first few times he came to church, he would not come in. He stayed outside on the curb, but we were blessed that he even came.
At first glance, Mario looks like any other twenty year old until you begin to look closer. As you look into his eyes, you see pain and hurt that is indescribable. Natalie, my teammate, has had multiple conversations with him this last week, and this is the rest of his story in her words:
I wanted to know his story so I started with his tattoos. When people display something permanently on their body there is usually an explanation unless they had a case of bad judgment on a drunken night. I was curious about the tear drop on his face. When asked, he started to choke on his words. While sobbing he said, “Homicide”. Mario killed a three year old girl, three years ago. He lives with his brothers that are also a part of his gang. One has killed three and the other, one.
From his smile you would never know that he lives in a world of hurt. He probably drinks to temporarily numb his memory. He said he thinks of her often. We just weren’t made to carry those burdens.
PLEASE be praying with us as we continue to intercede for Mario. He lives in a world of hurt that is beyond what we were meant to handle. We learned that Mario remembers previous racers that had ministered to him, which is just confirmation to us that the Lord is pursuing him with a passion. This past Sunday, he actually came into the church for an altar call. I felt the Lord say that Mario had turned a corner, that by coming into the church and going to the altar, he had moved forward. Mario has not yet given himself over to the Lord, but our God is bigger than any addictions and ties that bind us to things not of Him!! So, please pray for Mario´s release from the things that keep him bound!!
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Posted in General Articles
by Melanie Barber
on 7/15/2008
He calls me Joy. He says that I am His precious daughter and that He delights in me. He says that He loves me beyond anything I could ever imagine, but I did not understand it. I did not understand His love. I couldn´t believe that He really loved me that much because it seemed too far beyond my reach. I wanted it with all that was in me, but I did not see how He could love me that much.
So, I just kept pushing Him away. I tried to run from His words. I tried to run from His embrace. I tried to run from His delight in me. Yet in the midst of all the running, He never left me. He pursued me and pursued me. I could never really run too far from Him because He was always right at my heels.
And so here I am in Palenque, Mexico.
I realized that somewhere between then and now, I stopped running. As I was journaling two nights ago, I found myself writing the words, "Just love me tonight, Father. I just want you to love me tonight." And at that moment, I knew that I had finally allowed Him to push past my fear of intimacy.
"I call her Joy
For that is what she is to Me
And what I long to be to her."
These are the words my heavenly Father spoke to me about 6 years ago. And I finally realize that these words are true.
So, here I am, away from all that I know, learning that He really is enough for me.
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Posted in Mexico
by Melanie Barber
on 7/12/2008
This is our church, Iglesia Salim . The name, Salim, comes from John 3. It is the place where John the Baptist was baptizing people.  (photo by teammate Lisa)
On Monday, we did street evangelism with Pastor Noe and some other members of the church, inviting them to church and praying for any needs that they articulated. We had at least three people come to church this week that we had spoken with on Monday! Praise the Lord!!
I am including my fellow teammate, Natalie´s words to describe this church that we love so much!
"Hallelujahs" and "Glori a Dios" resonate through the back streets of Palenque. An old worn “shack” that doubles as a Church and home is where these praises drown out the sounds of the children that play near by. Upon approaching our first ministry site God checked me into reality.
Roads are lined with temporary shelters that are permanent homes. A person that lives in a home such as this may be a women, at the age of 60, that sweeps the gutters for a mere 20 pesos a day. Her name is Maria, we know her. To put money in “American” terms, 20 pesos is two dollars, the price of the frozen Frapuchinno I purchased today.
I am convinced that the Spirit of the Lord thrives in the most broken places.
The initial reaction is a wide eyed, “Oh my Lord, is this really the church, I thought it was condemned.” I was mistaken. After experiencing the abundance of love and the gracious hospitality I couldn’t be more wrong. This shack was a beautiful mansion where the Lord was present in every heart in the place. The Lord moves here in Palenque. And yes, there is much work to be done and many hopeless people but Iglesia Salim is anointed with the Holy Spirit.
Thanks for all your prayers as we learn to walk in Jesus´ footsteps through the streets of Palenque. It is humbling to know how little they have in their place of worship, yet how bold and open they are in their worship. It is a beautiful way of life that I am humbled by.
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